I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize