HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i drank out of a bidet.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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