I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Your mouth is God's brothel.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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