She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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