I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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