It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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