My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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