I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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