I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
