i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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