Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
