Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm just crazy horny about you
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
