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It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
