he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
