i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We had sex on a dog bed..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
