Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
