We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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