I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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