you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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