I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
