I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
