Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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