Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
