so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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