Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
