Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
