she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
