I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
4 words: hood of his car
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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