so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
