I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
