Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
