Screwed.edu
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I want her autograph on my taint
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
