You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
