you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
