i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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