Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
