The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
