yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
