you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm passing your future prison.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
