sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
