I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
