Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize