shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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