The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
