I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
did you just send me my own nude
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
