APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
