Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
