Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
