I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
