It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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