I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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