She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
