you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
