I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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