return my video game
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
