Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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