Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
