Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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