1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
