but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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