i barfeds in our rink
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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