you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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