It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
