jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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